The Tv show Kids Say the Darnedest Things aired from January 9, 1998 to Jun 23, 2000, and was a spin off of a segment on Art Linkletter’s radio program House Party that lasted from 1945 to 1969. For decades audiences enjoy listening to the cute responses of children between the ages 3 and 8 as they were asked basic questions. Their responses were usually humorous and often embarrassing to their parents sitting in the audience. Everyone knew those sweet little kids were repeating what they’d heard their parents say. I don’t know if you’ve ever been in that situation before, but it’s not as funny in real life as it is watching it happen to somebody else on TV!
Kids aren’t trying to make their parents look bad, they’re just doing what they’ve seen done. It’s a principle called modeling.
Modeling is the principle where what you do and say in your authentic actions, how you live and respond in your daily life, is passed on to those that are under your care and authority. It’s those words and actions that communicate what you truly believe to those that are watching you. What you tell someone to do, or how you tell them to behave, will never outweigh what they have seen you model for them as appropriate. It’s why the best leaders work the hardest, are the most passionate, and set the highest standards. But what about parents? Isn’t your home where you’re supposed to be able to let your hair down, relax your guard and just be yourself?
In short, yes and no. Yes in the sense that you should be yourself in your home. No in the sense that you and I are pretty consistent sinners that don’t set a good example. The good news is that the closer you grow in your relationship with Jesus, the more you're transformed into his likeness, and they more Christ like your modeling will be. Not to mention you’ll model what it looks like to pursue a growing relationship with Jesus.
Here’s what we know:
Modeling is an important tool for teaching. “Do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t fly for you, and It won’t fly when it comes to your kids either.
Modeling is exponentially more effective than simple instruction. There is no better way to transfer core beliefs and values than through your unfiltered words and authentic actions.
What we experience impacts us more than what we are told. Instruction is valuable, but experience has the teeth that gain traction and shape our foundations.
So what should you focus on modeling in your home? Start with the foundational building block of the family, and society; show your kids how to love others through the way you love your spouse. Check out Ephesians 5: 21-33. In just 13 short verses, God gives us what pastors, psychologist, and old married couples all agree are the bedrock principles of a good relationship.
Love, Respect, and Mutual Submission.
If you model those three simple principles in how you treat your spouse, you’ll actively be teaching your kids what it looks like to have a healthy, God honoring relationship with others, their eventual spouse, and with God. Draw near to God. Love, respect, and submit to your spouse. Your kids will (at least eventually) do what you do, but not necessarily what you say. What will you model for them?
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