There are going to be plenty of times where it will to seem like you at odds with your kid… that they’re against you… or dare i say, they seem like the enemy in the moment. But the reality is that all kids are going to be subversive little pirates at some point in time. It’s not usually, however, because they want to see their parents suffer. The hardest thing you have to deal with as the parent in the midst of a mutiny of children, is trying to keep things in perspective. But after all, we are the adults in the situation.
It’s easy to say “I’m the adult” and really mean “you’re going to obey me because I'm older than you.” But what if instead of telling our kids “I’m the adult,” we started telling ourselves? That simple declaration, “I’m the adult,” could help us set a new framework, a new perspective, or a new attitude toward the way we approach the disobedience of our children.
I’m the adult. I have the ability to put myself in their shoes.
I’m the adult. I know how to have empathy.
I’m the adult. I can control my anger.
I’m the adult. I will lead this discussion with grace and mercy.
I’m the adult. I choose to stay calm and under control.
I’m the adult. I have chosen to love this child unconditionally.
Let's be honest, parent’s love the verse Colossians 3:20 “Children obey your parents in everything, for this leases the lord.”
But rarely have I ever heard a parent quote the very next verse, Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to indignation, lest they be discouraged.” (and yes ladies, 3:21 also applies to mothers)
You see, God commands children to obedience, and much to my chagrin at times, with no qualifications of a smile on your face or having to have a good attitude about it. Just simple obedience. On the other hand, God places the greater responsibility of leading in a way that preserves healthy relationship through conflict squarely on the shoulders of the parent. Parents are responsible for raising their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Yes God’s justice and vengeance on His enemies is ruthless and complete, but every picture we have of God interacting with His children is filled with gentleness, mercy, long-suffering, forgiveness, and grace. I’m not sure about you, but those probably aren’t always my top 5 parenting attributes. But if parents are to be a picture to their children of our heavenly father, maybe those parenting attributes should be our goals.
Now I already know that there are people screaming “what about discipline!?” God disciplines those He loves! You can’t let kids get away with not being obedient. And I’d say that you’re 100% right! I’m not advocating for some new age zero discipline parenting method. As a matter of fact, Proverbs 3:12 does indeed say, "for the Lord disciplines him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights." You can’t emphasize the first part of the verse and then immediately gloss over the phrase “in whom he delights."
That’s where all of this comes together: God has modeled for us how to discipline in gentleness, how to discipline in mercy, how to discipline in long-suffering, how to discipline in forgiveness, and how to discipline in grace. And aren’t we thankful that He has!?
God warned us in Matthew 18:21-35 in the parable of the unmerciful servant about receiving his mercy but then not giving it to others in return. We usually associate that with other people at work, our friends, or just peers in general, but God didn’t give any restrictive clauses for parents in that passage binding them from treating their children the way God has first treated them. I’d actually argue the opposite. The Bible makes it clear that parents are to treat their children the way God treats us. With undeserved mercy and favor.
So next time you’re in the middle of an agreement, a disagreement, a clash of the wills, or an all out mutiny, remember God’s top five ways of demonstrating His love to his children, even through discipline. Gentleness. Mercy. Long-suffering. Forgiveness. Grace.
Oh and remember to take a deep breath and repeat to yourself, not your kids, “I am the adult. I am the adult. I am the adult."
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